Why did you leave me?
by lavender Crystal
Summary: Hydron looks back on his relationship with Spectra and wonders where they went wrong.


Bianca: So hi guys this is my 2nd story. Why did you leave me? It's in Prince Hydron's point of view. It's based in the time when the alternative is about to explode. Hydron looks back on his life and where his relationship with Spectra went wrong. ANGST! Oh and mentions of drugs, self-harm and anorexia.

I don't own Bakugan if I did there would be yaoi goodness!

Why did you leave me?

Why did you leave Spectra? I thought we were meant to last forever. I thought you really cared for me. But then in a way I knew we wouldn't last. Not as long as we expected anyway. I thought I hated you. But in the end it wasn't you who I had to hate. It was myself.

I poured myself out to you. But you didn't care. So in order to put myself together, I made a mask. A mask of pure mockery and hate. My strive for approval wasn't for my father. No it was never that. If it was that I would've gone crazy. That's funny because I know I'm already am.

Disposing Lync and Volt hurt more than I thought it was going to be. I thought getting rid of them was easy but as they disappeared I understood why it had hurt so much. It was because they were like you. They all changed sides. They betrayed me. Just like you did. But you, you left a scar I can never get rid of. You marked me. Even when it disappeared I could still feel it.

You knew you had a hold over me. You used it to your advantage. In the end you broke me. You broke me into little pieces. Pieces even I couldn't glue together even though I tried. I don't think I'll ever be put back together.

The night we made love, I didn't feel right. But I ignored that feeling because I loved you too much to care. Back then I didn't think it would end this way. But it did. And I'm sorry for that. I really am. I'm sorry for thinking all the shit I thought. I'm sorry if it makes you feel better that you wasted all that time with me. I'm sorry for not leaving my father to join you. I'm sorry for thinking that maybe if I was prettier we might have lasted. And I'm sorry for all the nights I was up crying about you.

You were the reason I was even waking up in the morning. You were the reason that I brushed my hair and teeth. You were the reason I put on a charming smile for the ladies and men making them, giving them the chance to dream with being with me. You to were the reason for most of my grief.

I hated the fact that I was so weak. That I crumbled so easily under you smile. Well, when you did smile. I hated it in a way that you so easily manipulated me with gentle words and soft touches. But then what did I expect from the oh so famous sly pyrus master who went by the name Spectra Phantom.

I hate you. I could write it across a page in 14 different languages and it would still not make me feel better. It would make me feel worse than I already feel. I could spray-paint it across the whole palace and I would still feel indifferent to how I feel now. When I saw you again with the resistance I felt a surge of hate. But then the next second I felt grief. Sadness overwhelmed me. I couldn't be near you without crying. I ran. I ran away from the palace. To the tall tree we played in as children. There were markings all over the tree, your name 'Keith Clay' and mine. There at the top of the branches was an old tree house that we used to play in as children. I climbed up there and saw the door was still kept locked tight. Just like it was 9 years ago when you moved away. I promised I would wait for you. And I did. I promised I would not open the door until you came back. And I promised I would always be your friend no matter what happened….That I couldn't keep. Because you didn't keep you promise either. So why should I?

I question myself why couldn't I forget you? Why couldn't I move on like I did with everyone else? I've been with lots of people. And most of them broke my heart. But I didn't cry over it unlike I did over you. I didn't starve myself to look pretty like with you. I didn't cut or go on drugs like I did with you. I didn't jump off cliffs to feel the adrenaline like I did with you. I didn't go to counselling for my depression like I did with you.

It took me so long to realise one thing Spectra. You taught me a lesson. A lesson no one else but you could've. A lesson of pain, grief and loss. It seemed that my father had gotten there first right? But no with you by my side it felt like nothing. But now that you're gone it's really taken its toll on me. I have no idea what's going on. Every piece of abuse my father put on me hurt more then it did before. The words he yelled at me stabbed me. I never felt it with you around, because you were my shield.

You were like my heart.

You were the hero.

You were my sun

But you also portrayed being my moon.

You were like my air

You were my world

You were my everything

Even though we were more different than fire to water. It didn't matter though. Because I loved you too much to care. You were my beating heart. But when you left I died. My heart stopped beating. I became someone I wasn't. I flirted twice as much as I usually did. I sneaked out to clubs, became a slut. Everything against your wishes. You left. Why should I care?

I supposed I blamed Mira for the first few months. I blamed her for everything. Down to the last mistake. Her and the resistance. If she wasn't in the picture you would still be by my side. You wouldn't have left me. I wouldn't have been abused. Everything would've gone smoothly. Everything would've gone as we planned. You would still be number 1. And I would still be the prince of New Vestroia. But I supposed nothing ever goes as we planned it to. I thought I learnt that already. I guess I was wrong.

I had thought of every reason that I could've to answer the question: why did you leave?

But in the end I suppose the answer was that I wasn't good enough for you. I never was. I was just a toy that you played with until it broke. I was your puppet. Why couldn't I see it sooner I had no idea. Then I would've saved my self all that shame. All those tears. All the bloody tissues. All the razors. The drugs. The pain of hallucinating.

To believe that you loved me. I am an idiot. But now that we've really gone our separate ways, my hate has ebbed away. I just want to say to the person who has you now they were so lucky to have you. They were lucky to have been pretty enough, put together enough to have you. I wish I was. But I know wishes don't work. Even with shooting stars. Lucky stars don't work either. I wished they did. But they don't. Because if they did. You would still be by my side.

But now I'm looking in the face of death and the alternative was about to explode. There are still so many things I wanted to see in life but now I guess I'm too late. But I guess my times up. I hope I had seen enough things to satisfy myself. Well I guess I don't have an option. Even if it wasn't enough I can't turn back. But I didn't want to even if I had another chance. I wanted out. Out of this life. Maybe begin another one when I'm ready. When I die without a broken heart.

There were so many things I wanted to ask you Spectra. But the question I want to ask the most, and I still do, was…

Why did you Leave Me?

Was it because I wasn't pretty enough?

Put together enough?

Cheerful enough?

I guess I'll never know? But I just want you to know Spectra that even though you broke my heart.

I still love you.

Bianca: Well I have to say that was rather OOC... but I'm upset about Hydron's death so I decided to write this. I hoped you enjoyed it. And if you didn't... I'm sorry I'll try harder next time. Review and tell me ^^


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